Is Couples Therapy The Right Thing For Your Relationship Right Now? (The Answer May Surprise You)

If you and your partner are stuck in repetitive, problematic patterns of communication or behavior, you might think couples therapy is the solution. Many couples therapists would agree, and it could indeed help you immensely.

However, after several years of doing couples therapy, I have found the typical approach to starting couples therapy has its drawbacks. and possibly get cut off if things get too intense. This method, while common, has several issues:

Problems with Traditional Couples Therapy

  1. Emotionally Dysregulated Start: Usually a therapist will start by asking you and your partner to explain what brings you in, leading to a session where you and your partner air grievances or defend against perceived complaints, or both. While this seems rational given that is what brought you here, it often sets a negative tone and can lead to re-creating and inflaming your arguments or difficulties.

  2. Overlooking Key Issues: Common approaches to starting couples therapy often risk missing or under-prioritizing important details, underlying problems, contraindications, or diagnoses that might need immediate attention.

  3. Faulty Assumptions: It assumes every couple would benefit from starting therapy immediately, which isn't always true. Some relationships might improve more quickly with different strategies, suggestions or treatments.

  4. Lack of Information: Often, couples aren't given enough information to make the best decision about whether to start couples therapy or explore other options. They also might not know which type of couples therapy would be the best fit, or what the different types of couples therapy even are.

Starting couples therapy in this standard way can lead to a long, expensive, and emotionally difficult journey, even if it is ultimately helpful. Most evidence-based couples therapy methods are based on studies that provided at least 12 sessions, often 20 or more, and these studies usually offered free therapy or even paid the participants. In the real world, health insurance typically doesn't cover couples therapy.

My Approach

My goal is to start by (as efficiently and painlessly as possible) gathering comprehensive information about the current difficulties and priorities, and coming up with thoughtful recommendations and open-minded discussion of your options, before assuming you should or that you want to commit to traditional couples therapy. This can reveal important underlying issues, educational opportunities, resource needs, et cetera, that might make therapy more effective, less time-consuming, or in some cases perhaps even unnecessary.

By focusing on a comprehensive assessment first, we can ensure that you and your partner are making the best decision for your relationship, whether that means starting couples therapy or exploring other strategies.

Relationship Help and Couples Therapy from anywhere in Michigan, Idaho or Alaska

My in-person office is located in Okemos, Michigan, or can meet with you by video if you’re located anywhere in Michigan, Idaho, or Alaska. Contact us today to schedule an initial phone call or assessment session. Take the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Contact us today to schedule an initial assessment and take the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

*If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or feel you are in danger, call 911.